IF JANE AUSTEN WROTE STAR TREK . . . 
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single Vulcan must be in want of a wife.
“Have you heard?” exclaimed Yeoman Rand, her terraced hair gleaming in the red LED light. “Our new science officer, Mr. Spock, is supposed to be ever so well off. Mr. Kyle says he owns half of Rigel Seven!”
“I do find,” said Nurse Chapel, “that Mr. Spock has a — an unusual way about him. And I confess, I find him a bit intriguing.”
“Please,” said Lieutenant Uhura. “He is merely a man.”
“Merely a man!” cried the blonde yeoman. “Indeed not! He is a Vulcan, and an exceedingly fine one at that!”
“Let me rephrase,” said Uhura. “He is merely a half-human, half-Vulcan man, albeit one with a fine mind. And if the captain hears you talking about your superior officer that way, it’s half-rations for you, Miss Rand.”
“Fo, what do I care for that?” cried Rand. “I’m on a diet anyway!”
Cara
Cara King — www.caraking.com
My Lady Gamester — going where no Regency has gone before
hahaha! 🙂 enjoyed your blog. I lined up a few classics to read this year. Unfortunately, I haven’t the priveledge of time recently. 🙁
And I suppose poor Captain Kirk (upon whom I had a big crush at one time) is relegated to the role of Bingley??
Ok, Cara has lost her mind, but it’s funny.
Kirk as Bingley? Surely not. Kirk is toally Wickham. He’ll tell you he loves you, but in the morning he’s off after green girls . . .
Seek help, or something to do, Cara.
It’s sad to see someone so young and full of promise lose it all so drastically and publicly…
🙂
Oh, I love this, Cara!
I always had a thing for Mr. Spock, too. All that cool unapproachableness (yes, very similar to my husband, without the pointy ears).
I know what you mean about time, Beatriz! Where does it all go???
Kalen, I like the idea of Kirk as Wickham! I’ve clearly put Uhura in Elizabeth’s role, and Rand as Lydia, so Kirk/Wickham and Rand/Lydia run off together and get naughty, which seems suitable! 🙂
And I can see Uhura and Spock together, too.
I guess that leaves McCoy as Bingley, which works in that he’s kind and steadfast and doesn’t have a girl on every planet.
The only problem is that means Chapel is Jane, and I can’t see Chapel and McCoy together! I mean, doesn’t that seem a tad incestuous or something? 🙂
Cara (who is definitely curious about Megan’s husband) 🙂
It’s so nice to have friends who lose their minds in such entertaining ways. 🙂
The brightly-colored uniforms seemed to flicker like rainbows in a waterfall, as the crew danced to the strains of Antarean harps and knocked back Romulan ale by the glassful.
“Dammit, Spock!” snapped McCoy irritably. “Why don’t you dance? I can’t stand to see you standing about in this stupid way.”
The vulcan raised an inquiring eyebrow. “Dancing would be illogical. There are far more efficient methods of cardiovascular exercise. And my IQ is two hundred ninety seven point eight.”
“You don’t do it…for the exercise…Spock,” Kirk explained sporadically. “You do…it…to get close to…a pretty girl.”
“In that case, it would be illogical to dance with anyone other than McCoy’s partner,” Spock pointed out reasonably. “She is clearly the most pulchritudinous female present, judging by the usual standards of human males.”
“Blast it, Spock!” McCoy exploded (not literally). “Of course she’s a perfect angel, but I’ve never seen so many pretty girls in my life. What about Uhura?”
The vulcan considered. “She does present a reasonable example of sexual desirability, as demonstrated by the extremely risqué cut of her uniform. And her intelligence is tolerable enough. But she is far too emotional to tempt me. Rejoin your partner, enjoy her smiles. We vulcans only mate every seven years anyway.”
“He probably…doesn’t know…how to dance,” Kirk whispered to McCoy. “Can’t you give him…a few…pointers?”
“Dammit, Jim! I’m a doctor, not a dancing master!”
Todd-whose-ears-are-getting-more-pointed-all-the-time
Now blogger better be nicer today. Didn’t let my post, well, post. LOL I don’t remember what I put yesterday, but I love Todd’s addition to it!!!! 🙂 This whole thing was just sooooooo cool!!! 🙂 Kirk probably would be Wickham, but like I was reminded with Todd’s episode there, you can’t make him that role because you need the Three Muskeeters together. Hmm – Tough. 🙂
Hmm, now how would one do Star Trek The Next Generation. . .:)
Lois, who did love Kirk herself
The Next Generation, Lois? Hmm… If I’m allowed to pull from all of Austen’s books, then:
PIcard = Mr. Knightley
Riker = Frank Churchill
Troi = Anne Elliot
Geordie = Edward or Edmund
Wesley = one of Anne’s bratty nephews
Dr. Crusher = Elinor
Tasha Yar = Lucy Steele
Worf = Wentworth
(Am I forgetting anyone?)
Hmm… I guess that means Troi and Worf have to fall in love — which they do! How bout that! Austen Trek scores again! 🙂
Cara
Or, if we’re sticking with Pride & Prejudice, then Austen (Next Generation) Trek could be:
Picard = Mr. Bennet
Riker = Wickham
Troi = Elizabeth
Geordie = Bingley
Wesley = Mr. Collins
Dr. Crusher = Jane
Tasha Yar = Miss Bingley
Worf = Darcy
Dr. Pulaski = Charlotte
(Do you get the idea I didn’t much like Tasha Yar???)
Cara
Just thought I’d let you know, Cara, that I’m using your “Austen Trek” as an example of Jane Austen’ness in modern culture for an English paper of mine.
(No need to have any worries. The university threatens us with punishment by death for plagiarism so I will credit you properly using MLA standard format. Also, I’m not a douchebag and wouldn’t do something like not credit you in the first place. If you’d like, I can send you the paper when I’m done writing it so you can be sure of my honesty.)