Monthly Archives: July 2012

Quiet

Updated on January 18, 2013 by Elena Greene

I just read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I found a lot of it spoke to me in terms of my own experience as an introvert. With the caveat that people are unique individuals and there are many other personality traits that affect behavior, also recognizing that introversion/extroversion is a spectrum (with some in the middle who are called “ambiverts”), Cain describes the strengths and weaknesses of introverts and extroverts and suggests ways they can learn from one another and work together more effectively.

Cain believes our culture currently undervalues introverts, with parents and teachers often pushing quieter children to be more outgoing, with open office spaces, an emphasis on group thinking, etc… According to Cain, introverts are not necessarily shy (although some are). Nor are they antisocial. The real difference between introverts and extroverts is the level of stimulation each prefers. None of these are absolutes, but… Extroverts are more likely to enjoy large parties and are more comfortable meeting strangers; introverts prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings of good friends. Extroverts are better at multitasking while introverts excel at tasks requiring focused, solitary effort (like writing books). Extroverts are more likely to be risk-takers while introverts are more likely to be the important voice of caution.

Cain says we need both and that each can learn from the other. Introverts can benefit from pushing themselves, especially in pursuit of a goal or cause important to them. Extroverts can benefit from learning to slow down and listen more. But it is even more important that we learn to understand ourselves and work to our strengths, while appreciating that others may have different gifts.

If you’re not sure where you are on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, there’s a quiz you can take at http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/quiet-quiz-are-you-an-introvert/.

I came out strongly introvert, which was no surprise as much of this book resonates with me. I truly enjoy spending hours alone working on my stories. Although I also enjoy stimulating situations like writers’ conferences and I’ve even managed to give the occasional workshop, these do take me out of my comfort zone. As Cain recommends, I take time to prepare and I also try to work in some quiet time to recharge between activities. I will get up half an hour early to swim if there is a hotel pool; otherwise I walk.

Cain writes that Western society tends to favor the extrovert, while in many Eastern cultures introversion is seen as a sign of wisdom, neither necessarily being right. Cain also writes that until fairly recently in history, character was considered more important than personality. This means that during the Regency, introversion might not have had the stigma it sometimes does now. I think there still must have been some tension between the personality types, though.

Cain talks about couples who come from different ends of the spectrum, saying they have challenges to overcome but can also find that their differences can balance each other in a good way.

I think Jane Austen had an intuitive grasp of this. Although there are many ways to look at Pride and Prejudice, the introvert/extrovert dynamic can be seen as contributing to the tension between Elizabeth and Darcy. Consider this conversation:

“Perhaps,” said Darcy, “I should have judged better had I sought an introduction; but I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers.”
“Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?” said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam.
“Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?”
“I can answer your question,” said Fitzwilliam, “without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.”
“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,” said Darcy, “of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”
“My fingers,” said Elizabeth, “do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault–because I would not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.”
Darcy smiled and said, “You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.”

Elizabeth and the Colonel clearly don’t understand Darcy, but she does have a point in that he could try harder. And then consider this bit, as Elizabeth learns to appreciate Darcy.

She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved; and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.

If you’d like to know more about Quiet, check out Susan Cain’s TED Talk at http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html.

What do you think? Did you take the quiz and if you don’t mind sharing, where did you fit? Any favorite stories that feature extrovert/introvert couples?

Elena
www.elenagreene.com
www.facebook.com/ElenaGreene

Posted in Jane Austen, Writing | Tagged extroverts, introverts, Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Quiet, Susan Cain | 8 Replies

The Big Ideas Contest

Updated on January 8, 2013 by Janet Mullany

Last night I went to sleep knowing exactly what I was going to blog about today.

When I woke up this morning, the idea had gone entirely. Now, I knew this would happen. It’s happened so often. What I should have done was get up there and then and create the post, or at least scribbled the idea down on a piece of paper. If I’d been mid book and fallen asleep thinking about the book and forced myself out of bed to write it, it probably would have been something pretty darn good.

So where do ideas come from? Who knows. But there are certain tricks and techniques that can help so today, I thought we’d play a game. I grabbed a few items from my office (and you have to understand that my office is rich pickings at the moment. We are doing major work to the downstairs of our house and so everything is in boxes everywhere else. I can just about get into my office and sit at my desk). So here’s my impromptu still life–a shell, a bowl, a string of beads, and two pics, one a portrait by Elizabeth Vigee-Lebrun and the other an illustration of the cat who walks by himself by Rudyard Kipling. And it’s not just for writers: comment anyway, because you might surprise yourself and you don’t have to include every item.

Tell me what these suggest to you.

What is the relationship between (all or some of) the items, how do they fit together?

THE PRIZE: Yes, there is a prize. A copy of my brand new release HIDDEN PARADISE, a sexy contemporary which has lots of sex and stuff about paint analysis and Regency clothes (on and off). It’s not coming out until the end of September and I have just received a big box of author copies (US residents only, must be over 18 and not related to me and all the usual stuff). You can comment here or on my FB author page Janet Mullany, Author. Let me know if you tweet it too, for extra points!

I’m also doing a blog tour for THE MALORIE PHOENIX, stopping today at MK McClintock’s Blog and The Bunny’s Review. You can see all the blog stops here at Goddess Fish. Feel free to drop in and comment on earlier stops too. The prize is a $20 Amazon gift certificate.