It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s a snow day. The kids’ cards are all ready and packed in their backpacks. This morning we baked heart-shaped cookies for the class parties which are now going to take place tomorrow. This afternoon we’re going to venture out though we may rush back in quickly for hot chocolate–it’s cooooold out there!
Tonight we’re going to have our usual celebration: dinner (pink food: ham and a Lithuanian beet salad we like which is also very pretty, along with sparkling grape juice for the kids and the real stuff for the adults) and a few small gifts, books and chocolate, the like. Low-key and relatively non-commercial. Babysitters and dinner reservations are a bear to get this night anyway and my husband and I hate crowded restaurants. Even in the BK (Before Kids) years we usually had an intimate dinner at home. We eat out at other times. And what we do afterwards isn’t something we don’t do the rest of the year either.
Which gets me to the root of my Valentine’s cynicism: I have overheard married guys say it is their big night for the year. I could further ponder whether the ritual wouldn’t occur without the customary offerings of heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and diamond pendants. I find that anything but romantic.
But I wonder if this holiday has its uses. I bet some of these men who enjoy complaining about married life really do love their wives but are too embarrassed to find unique ways of showing it. I suspect the average American male (if there is such a thing, of course) likes a script: the chocolates, the dozen roses, the pendant. It doesn’t necessarily mean the feelings aren’t genuine. Some of the grumbling is just backhanded boasting, maybe.
Still, isn’t it amazing when guys take a chance and do something original? In romance novels, especially historicals, men seduce their ladies all sorts of ways. I’ve always thought I would melt if someone sang to me or composed a poem to my fine eyes. But I won’t hold my breath waiting for my husband to break out in verse. He does buy me books, gives good massages and makes me gourmet sandwiches invented from whatever is in our fridge and pantry. The best thing is he does these things for me year-round.
So no, Valentine’s isn’t a big romantic deal for me. OTOH it’s not a bad way to liven up a doldrumy sort of month.
So what do you think? Do you love or loathe this holiday, or something in between? Are you doing anything special? And if you could imagine the ultimate romantic gesture, what would it be?
Hoping fantasy and reality aren’t too far apart, that everyone stays warm and safe, and wishing you all a happy Valentine’s Day!
Elena 🙂
www.elenagreene.com
P.S. Make your own Valentine’s candy heart image at www.cryptogram.com/hearts/.
Love the heart link, Elena!
Todd and I will be rehearsing tonight. 🙂
We may do Valentine’s stuff next Monday, though!
I confess, I’ve always liked chocolates in a red heart-shaped box. (I guess that stuck with me from my childhood, when I thought the boxes were so pretty! And it was one of the few times during the year when we got any candy.)
Cara
Yep, Valentine’s isn’t a big deal in that I never had a Valentine and I got myself chocolates, but hey, in the end, it’s a cool holiday because you get to decorate a certain way for it and it’s another shape of Reese’s peanut butter candies to get. LOL 🙂
Lois
My sweetie proposed to me in verse. While I was washing dishes.
But tonight with the weather in particular, we’re just cuddling with a bowl of homemade soup.
Oh, and I gave him Peeps. He loves Peeps.
From the male side of the equation –
In general, Valentine’s is a obligation holiday. By social (and significant other) pressure, we feel that if we don’t do something, we’re not appropriately loving, romantic, thoughtful, or any of the other adjectives normally not associated with men. And men, frequently being obstinate, will try to do the minimum necessary to escape wrath (I re-emphasize the first two words of this paragraph).
A number of men only respond to this pressure, and for their significant others, I’m sorry, but at least you’ve got that. Another group of men will take this holiday as a “free pass” for a lot of the rest of the year, and to their significant others, I’m truly sorry because that means they’re missing out on any number of romantic days throughout the year. I’m sure none of the regulars here have any reason to recognize the above in their lives.
I think a little less emphasis on Valentine’s day would pay large dividends the rest of the year for those with a romantic bent.
Meanwhile, my wife and I will have our typical Valentine’s celebration – pizza, good wine, and then curl up to watch a movie so bad it’s funny.
Rob
Yeah, chocolate is great however it’s packaged.
Georg, you got proposed to in verse!!!!! How very cool.
Rob, thanks for the insights. Note also that I hedged about the average American male. I am sure all our male guests at the Riskies have a much higher romantic IQ than average. 🙂
I regret that Valentine’s Day has deteriorated from the erotic to good clean family fun via Hallmark. I know in Victorian times, when Valentine cards were introduced (a guess but I don’t think it was earlier), the idea was that you’d receive an anonymous declaration of love from a secret admirer.
What could be more romantic and exciting?
My sweetie proposed to me in verse. While I was washing dishes.
Mine proposed to me on the University north exit of the Washington Beltway. In a Toyota.
When I arrived home there was a book on my pillow.
Augusten Burroughs’ Running With Scissors
Now that may not sound terribly romantic, but several nights ago my dh and I watched the film together. Through tears I said, “I have got to read this book!”
He heard me, and that is romantic. 🙂
Jane, that is romantic!
Rob, I agree with you. The commercialism makes it like romance on demand. Still I love all the hearts and flowers of the holiday. And candy.
May you have as many heart-shaped Reeses Peanut Butter cups as you can, Lois!
Diane
I’m very impressed that you got up early in the morning to freshly bake your kids heart-shaped cookies. It’s all I can do is push breakfast into her and nag her into getting dressed.
May I borrow your idea of cooking a “pink” dinner? Our mother-child tradition is a handmade card.
Elena said, “We eat out at other times. And what we do afterwards isn’t something we don’t do the rest of the year either.”
Glad to hear that, Elena. 🙂 🙂
Janet wrote, “Mine proposed to me…In a Toyota.”
No way!! Not a Toyota! And you still married him?! 🙂
Rob, very well said, especially that bit about “By social pressure, we feel that if we don’t do something, we’re not appropriately…adjectives normally not associated with men.” 🙂
Oh, and Nutella, too, Lois, if you like. I love. 🙂
I regret that Valentine’s Day has deteriorated from the erotic to good clean family fun via Hallmark.
I know, Janet, but with the schools all making a hoopla out of it (which is a little weird actually) there’s no fighting it. One can still celebrate properly once kids are in bed. And I believe in doing things properly.
He heard me, and that is romantic. 🙂
Yes, that is romantic, Jane! I scored a copy of DREAM HUNTER which completes my Laura Kinsale collection.
I’m very impressed that you got up early in the morning to freshly bake your kids heart-shaped cookies.
I think you misunderstood. The kids were off school yesterday because of the snow (and we knew ahead of time) so the Valentine’s baking was a good thing to do in the AM when the wind chill was in the minuses. I didn’t have to get up early to do it!
May I borrow your idea of cooking a “pink” dinner?
Well, of course, why not? I’m thinking shrimp would be nice next year.
Glad to hear that, Elena. 🙂 🙂
Well, as a romance writer one must do research, make sacrifices for our craft, you know. 🙂
Ok, I’m a singleton. As are MANY of my friends. We have THE VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE party every year. It requires everyone to show up with their favorite take-out Chinese to share, action flicks (with little to no romance subplot), the chocolate ho-ho of death, and the ritual smashing of candy hearts with hammers, and booze. A lot of booze (often resulting in a slumber party).
Ooh, Kalen, I love the idea of your Valentine’s Day Massacre party!!! Sounds like such fun!
Cara
LOL about the Massacre party, Kalen. Reminds me of another Bay Area tradition, Kung Pao Kosher Comedy, a night of Jewish standup comedy, held on Christmas in a Chinese restaurant. Hey, maybe it’s not chocolate but Chinese that’s the ultimate comfort food.
LOL on the hammers and candy hearts.
Although I’m so susceptible to them (I eat handfuls without even READING them)that I’d probably find a way to ingest the dust.
The only other candy I lose control over is mallowcreme pumpkins. Yes,I’m a sick puppy, twice a year, anyway.