Back to Top

Author Archives: Myretta

About Myretta

Myretta is a founder and current manager of The Republic of Pemberley, a major Jane Austen destination on the web. She is also a writer of Historical Romance. You can find her at her website, www.myrettarobens.com and on Twitter @Myretta.

Admit it. We all procrastinate. But I’m not here to tell you how to avoid it, I’m here to give you some great procrastination tools. Now, granted, I have some go to procrastination tools: house cleaning, desk organizing, cooking, errand-running.

But today, I am providing some of my favorite online tools other than email, which goes without saying.

Bao Bao - National Zoo

Bao Bao – National Zoo

Today we have a plethora of panda cams available to us. My current favorite is The National Zoo Panda Cam. Bao Bao was born on August 23 of last year and just keeps getting to be more fun to watch.  I was similarly obsessed with her older brother, Tai Shan. Also fun, although the cameras are not as good, are the twins at Zoo Atlanta. No new cubs at The San Diego Zoo, but an excellent Panda Cam. If you’re not into pandas (although frankly I can’t understand that), they also have Tiger, Koala, Polar Bear, Ape, Elephant and Condor cams.

A less time-consuming and more domestic animal-centric page is Cute Overload. Always good for quick animal fix. I don’t get the lizards and bugs on this page, but I guess cuteness is in the eye of the beholder.

greenjane90If your online procrastination tends toward the interactive, there’s always Facebook (I know I don’t need to link to this) and Twitter (nor this). If you like your interaction more focused, I refer you to my own pemberley.com where you can discuss Jane Austen ad nauseum (really!) or A Forum of Ice and Fire for you Game of Thrones fans. (Caveat: I’ve never participated in this, so I cannot say how friendly it is).

Looking for something where you don’t have to interact with other people? How about Mahjong Solitaire. I sometimes click to this when I’m on hold. Jigsaw puzzles? I like The Jig Zone where you can choose the number of pieces for each puzzle.

lemon-ginger-pound-cake-ay-lI also spend quite a lot of time looking at recipes. The Food Network is always good for this, as is My Recipes.

Of course, you can’t go wrong with research-related procrastination but I think I’ll save that for my next blog.

What’s your favorite procrastination tool or site?

After Jane Austen’s dealings with James Stanier Clarke, secretary to the Prince Regent, she wrote The Plan of a Novel, which I will include in its entirety right here.

greenjane90SCENE to be in the Country, Heroine the Daughter of a Clergyman, one who after having lived much in the World had retired from it and settled in a Curacy, with a very small fortune of his own. — He, the most excellent Man that can be imagined, perfect in Character, Temper, and Manners — without the smallest drawback or peculiarity to prevent his being the most delightful companion to his Daughter from one year’s end to the other. — Heroine a faultless Character herself, — perfectly good, with much tenderness and sentiment, and not the least Wit — very highly accomplished, understanding modern Languages and (generally speaking) everything that the most accomplished young Women learn, but particularly excelling in Music — her favourite pursuit — and playing equally well on the PianoForte and Harp — and singing in the first stile. Her Person quite beautiful — dark eyes and plump cheeks. — Book to open with the description of Father and Daughter — who are to converse in long speeches, elegant Language — and a tone of high serious sentiment. — The Father to be induced, at his Daughter’s earnest request, to relate to her the past events of his Life. This Narrative will reach through the greatest part of the first volume — as besides all the circumstances of his attachment to her Mother and their Marriage, it will comprehend his going to sea as Chaplain to a distinguished naval character about the Court, his going afterwards to Court himself, which introduced him to a great variety of Characters and involved him in many interesting situations, concluding with his opinions on the Benefits to result from Tithes being done away, and his having buried his own Mother (Heroine’s lamented Grandmother) in consequence of the High Priest of the Parish in which she died refusing to pay her Remains the respect due to them. The Father to be of a very literary turn, an Enthusiast in Literature, nobody’s Enemy but his own (this is a quote from J. S. Clarke’s letter of Nov. 16, 1815— at the same time most zealous in discharge of his Pastoral Duties, the model of an exemplary Parish Priest. — The heroine’s friendship to be sought after by a young woman in the same Neighbourhood, of Talents and Shrewdness, with light eyes and a fair skin, but having a considerable degree of Wit, Heroine shall shrink from the acquaintance.

g-novelFrom this outset, the Story will proceed, and contain a striking variety of adventures. Heroine and her Father never above a fortnight together in one place, he being driven from his Curacy by the vile arts of some totally unprincipled and heart-less young Man, desperately in love with the Heroine, and pursuing her with unrelenting passion. — No sooner settled in one Country of Europe than they are necessitated to quit it and retire to another — always making new acquaintance, and always obliged to leave them. — This will of course exhibit a wide variety of Characters — but there will be no mixture; the scene will be for ever shifting from one Set of People to another — but All the Good will be unexceptionable in every respect — and there will be no foibles or weaknesses but with the Wicked, who will be completely depraved and infamous, hardly a resemblance of humanity left in them. — Early in her career, in the progress of her first removals, Heroine must meet with the Hero — all perfection of course — and only prevented from paying his addresses to her by some excess of refinement. — Wherever she goes, somebody falls in love with her, and she receives repeated offers of Marriage — which she refers wholly to her Father, exceedingly angry that he should not be first applied to. — Often carried away by the anti-hero, but rescued either by her Father or by the Hero — often reduced to support herself and her Father by her Talents and work for her Bread; continually cheated and defrauded of her hire, worn down to a Skeleton, and now and then starved to death. — At last, hunted out of civilized Society, denied the poor Shelter of the humblest Cottage, they are compelled to retreat into Kamschatka (a peninsula in eastern Russia)  where the poor Father, quite worn down, finding his end approaching, throws himself on the Ground, and after 4 or 5 hours of tender advice and parental Admonition to his miserable Child, expires in a fine burst of Literary Enthusiasm, intermingled with Invectives against holders of Tithes. — Heroine inconsolable for some time — but afterwards crawls back towards her former Country — having at least 20 narrow escapes from falling into the hands of the Anti-hero — and at last in the very nick of time, turning a corner to avoid him, runs into the arms of the Hero himself, who having just shaken off the scruples which fetter’d him before, was at the very moment setting off in pursuit of her. — The Tenderest and completest Eclaircissement takes place, and they are happily united. — Throughout the whole work, Heroine to be in the most elegant Society and living in high style. The name of the work not to be Emma, but of the same sort as S. & S. and P. & P.

I love this plan, not only because it is Jane Austen returning to the broad parody of her youth, but because it looks so darned familiar. Surely we all have read this plot in one form or another. Perhaps not all of the (repeated) twists and turns related here, but parts of it can be found wherever we read:

  • Mary Jane: Jane Austen has given us not only the perfect heroine but an equally perfect father and, without a doubt, a perfect hero.  (All the Good will be unexceptionable in every respect — and there will be no foibles or weaknesses) Unfortunately, the heroine is also is TSTL. (Heroine a faultless Character herself, — perfectly good, with much tenderness and sentiment, and not the least Wit.)
  • Back story: It looks like the first third of this novel will be devoted to the father’s life as, of course, we all need to know this before we get to the actual tale.
  • Ruthless and irredeemable villains: As bad as the hero and heroine (not to mention her father) are good, so are the multitude of villains bad. (the Wicked, who will be completely depraved and infamous, hardly a resemblance of humanity left in them)
  • Lots of action: This father/daughter duo will have landed in most of the European countries and finished off in the easternmost part of Russia, all the while being hounded by the numerous villains. Hannah Howell characterizes the middle of all her synopses as “Then they fight their way across France.” I think that would apply very well to this plan.
  • The irresistible heroine: Not only is our heroine, all goodness and perfection, she’s so lovely men can’t stay away from her. (Wherever she goes, somebody falls in love with her, and she receives repeated offers of Marriage). 
  • Heroine in peril: Lots of kidnapping, endangerment and, apparently starvation. (Often carried away by the anti-hero, but rescued either by her Father or by the Hero — often reduced to support herself and her Father by her Talents and work for her Bread; continually cheated and defrauded of her hire, worn down to a Skeleton, and now and then starved to death. — At last, hunted out of civilized Society, denied the poor Shelter of the humblest Cottage) 
  • Deathbed explanation and blessing:  We have to get rid of the father, otherwise our heroine will be carting him around Europe for the rest of her life. (the poor Father, quite worn down, finding his end approaching, throws himself on the Ground, and after 4 or 5 hours of tender advice and parental Admonition to his miserable Child, expires in a fine burst of Literary Enthusiasm, intermingled with Invectives against holders of Tithes.) 
  • Felicitous and unexpected appearance of the hero in the nick of time: Of course. How are we going to get our HEA if the hero doesn’t get over himself and come looking for the heroine. (and at last in the very nick of time, turning a corner to avoid him, runs into the arms of the Hero himself, who having just shaken off the scruples which fetter’d him before, was at the very moment setting off in pursuit of her.)

How little has changed in the writing of novels, and particularly romance, that we see satirized here.

Doesn’t it make you want to go out and try it for yourself?

th1I have committed to complete the manuscript I’m working on by August (I left myself some leeway by not saying whether it was the beginning or end of August, so let’s just say August).  I’ve been devoting my mornings to this endeavor so, instead of the regular plunge into my library, I’m going to be daring and share some of the work with you.

Our hero is the younger brother of a viscount who created a reputation for himself in school when he defended a gay schoolmate by calling himself “a nan boy who can kick your arse” to the boys bullying his friend. Now he is back in London, complete with the “nan boy” rep, which he hasn’t bothered to renounce. Moreover, he’s taken over his late mother’s fashion column as a tribute to her (and because he thinks it’s fun).  His heroine is a young woman from Yorkshire who has been given one season to find a husband or she must go back to being her great aunt’s unpaid companion.

This bit of the manuscript is the assembly where they first lay eyes on each other.

 Raising a quizzing glass that he didn’t actually need, Simon examined the arrivals. Ah, Baron Langridge and his brood.  Simon had been at Oxford with Langridge’s son and knew the entire family slightly, including the three unmarried sisters.  Tonight, it looked like just the baron and his wife and the three daughters.  No, not the three daughters.  Two daughters and someone else.

Good Lord!  Who was that?  Had the Langridges picked a flower-seller up in Covent Garden and brought her along for a few laughs?  No.  Not likely.  The Langridges were far too stodgy to laugh at the Ton.  Oh but her gown was a perfect disaster and she looked as though she would rather be anywhere but Almack’s.  Perhaps back at her flower stall?

At that moment, the strange young woman stopped fiddling with her ribbons and looked up. For just a moment Simon felt as though she were looking directly at him.  And something about her changed. Or something about Simon’s perception.  Yes.  Her dress was still hideous, but her face was lovely, an almost perfect oval with wide-set eyes.  Were they hazel or green?  And did he detect a satiric glint?  Perhaps she was more interesting than she appeared at first glance. Or was he fooling himself?  Good lord, he had been playing so many roles, he could not longer tell.  He looked at her again. Too bad about that unfortunate gown.

There you are, although, like all first chapters, it will probably change (again) before I’m completely done.  Stay tuned.

As a side note, although I don’t usually pick real people as models for my characters, the picture included happens to look a great deal like Simon. How can you go wrong with that?

Posted in Writing | 7 Replies

Today’s post comes from my bookmarks rather than my library. And, although you can’t really tell from the title of the post, the book in question is a dance manual.

8th-regency-assembly-dancerAmong the goodies tucked into the Library of Congress’s online collection is The gentleman & lady’s companion; containing, the newest cotillions and country dances; to which is added, instances of ill manners, to be carefully avoided by youth of both sexes..  This little gem provides instruction (along with suggested music) for most of the dances being done in ballrooms in 1798 – and likely later.  I’m sure you’ll find them useful.

However, the fun part of this treatise comes in the chapter titled “Inftances of ILL MANNERS, to be carefully avoided by youth of both fexes.” I thought it would be fun to consider some of the “inftances.”

Many of these seem pretty much like common sense. For example, “Entering a room with the hat on, and leaving it in the same manner.” This seems like common courtesy even today, particularly in the ballroom. However, “passing between the fire and persons sitting at it,” or “standing between the light and any person wanting it,” is fairly dated advice. 

The book advises against contempt in looks, words, or actions, for a partner in dancing, or other persons which makes one wonder why you would request a dance with someone for whom you feel contempt. But perhaps this was more common in 1798. And for heaven’s sake, don’t distort your countenance and practice mimicry. I’m sure there’s no quicker way to lose a dance partner.

Rowlandson - The Miseries of Reading

Rowlandson – The Miseries of Reading

By all means, do not “Lean on the shoulder, or chair of another person, and overlooking persons who are writing or reading.” Apparently Caroline Bingley had not read this section or she would not have been overlooking Darcy as he wrote to his sister. Class will out. 

You are advised not to “loll on a chair when speaking or when spoken to, and look persons earnestly in the face without any apparent cause.” I can understand the prohibition against lolling. That’s so rarely courteous. But looking persons earnestly in the face? I’m not sure why that’s bad. Any ideas?

cruikshank-streetI get “laughing loudly, when in company, and drumming with feet or hands” and “swinging the arms, and all other awkward gestures, especially in the street, and in company.” Even today, I characterize such behavior as “ill-mannered.” On the other hand, “A constant smile or settled frown on the countenance” seems a tad stringent. Yes, a settled frown might be a little off-putting, but don’t you think a cheery face might be okay?

Nevertheless, both the author of The Gentleman and Lady’s Companion and I exhort you to especially eschew “All instances of that ill judged familiarity which breeds contempt.” And have a good day.

 

This weeks selection from my library shelves is Royal Poxes & Potions by Raymond Lamont-Brown. It gives us an interesting picture of Royal doctors from medieval times to the present day. Let’s take a look at our period. HRH George Augustus Frederick, Prince of Wales was (as we well know) a tad pudgy in adulthood.  In fact, we learn from this book, that an inclined plane was constructed on which Prinny was placed in a chair on rollers and moved to the platform which was then raised high enough to pass a horse under and let HRH gently down into the saddle.

220px-George_IV_van_het_Verenigd_Koninkrijk

George IV by Thomas Lawrence, 1816

During the period from 1787 to 1796, the Prince of Wales’s medical household included Sir Gilbert Blane, Richard Warren and Anthony Addington, later joined by Sir Walter Farquhar and John Latham. These doctors recorded not only the prince’s obesity and his craving for women and food, but the character traits of “vanity, extravagance, self-indulgence, and undependability.” Is anyone who has read a Regency Romance surprised by this? I think  not. As the Prince Regent’s “physician-extraodinary,” Blane records treating Prinny for a sprained ankle, incurred while teaching his daughter Charlotte how to dance the Highland Fling.  This could not have been an easy task for a man of Prinny’s girth and Blane recommended that he “curb his eating and keep more regular hours.” This advice was, naturally, ignored. Sir Astley Paston Cooper, who had studied medicine at London, Edinburgh, and Paris, was awarded a knighthood for successfully removing a sebaceous cyst from the Prince Regent’s scalp. Sir William Knighton appears to have been the physician most highly regarded by the prince and who became the King’s physician when Prinny became George IV. By 1822, he was also private secretary and keeper of the privy purse and one of the king’s closest confidantes. Those around the king attributed Knighton’s success largely to sycophancy. During a tour of Scotland, the king suffered from gout, the pain of which “no amount of cherry brandy succeeded in dulling.” Knighton treated him with a “mixture of flattery, laudanum (to which the king was addicted), bleeding and the potions of the day.”

462px-A-voluptuary

Caricature of George IV as Prince of Wales by James Gilray, 1792

The king had been seriously ill since the beginning of 1830. The royal physicians diagnosed “ascites (abdominal dropsy) and logged his difficulty in breathing, hiccups and bilious attacks.” He died on June 26, 1830 in extremely poor shape despite the attendance of at least ten royal physicians during the course of his adult life. The post-mortem, conducted by Sir Astley Paston Cooper, revealed that “His Majesty’s disorder was an extensive diseased organisation of the heart; this was the primary disorder, although dropsical symptoms subsequently supervened, and in fact there was a general breaking up of his Majesty’s constitution.” The report goes into quite a bit of detail which I’ll not inflict on you here. But, if you’re interested, it’s all in the book along with much information about the doctors of George the IV and the monarchs who preceded and succeeded him.